Tagged: “Unmissable”
Source: Newspaper ad (The Sun)
Location: Manchester AMC
Accompanied by: Andrew
Line re-action: I changed it a little this time. I was served by a cheery and casual chappy (he was so casual that rather than sit on the chair behind the desk, he sat ON the desk). We made small talk, and then I said, “I’ve been told it’s unmissable.” His reply, “Well I’m not really a Harry Potter fan, but some of my friends have seen it and they say it’s really good, but I’ve not seen any of them, so I don’t know.”
Film Review: Of all the four films that’ve been tagged as “unmissable” this was the one I least wanted to see, I dreaded it the most. I’ve not read any of the books, nor have I seen any of the previous five Potter films. I’m just not interested in child fantasy books/films. I just don’t get the whole phenomenon with this Harry Potter shit.
When my friends saw this was the next on the list of “unmissable’s” they all immediately said I’d give it a bad review, that I wouldn’t understand any of it so I won’t be able to appreciate it. The fact is, yes, they’re right. I will give this film a bad review, and it’s not just because I have no interest whatsoever in it, but because it really is a bad film.
I’m not going to give any back-story to the film as the majority of people will have already seen the Potter films, and if you haven’t, going off this one, I wouldn’t bother. The main problem to this film is that there isn’t a strong enough story to last two and bit hours. It simply could’ve been told in five minutes – no foolin’. Basically some bad kid wants to get his hands on this magic cupboard that makes stuff disappear then return, while having been told to klll the head wizard at Hogwarts school. Potter and this wizard fella have to get a necklace to stop some bad joo-joo a-happening. Oh, and there’s a love story for Potter’s mates, Hermione (played by the Dad’s favourite Emma Watson) and Ron (Rupert Grint), otherwise they’d have absolutely nothing to do in the film. And that’s it. Saying this film dragged is an understatement. It’s not just the sub-plot of Hermione being in love with Ron that’s pointless, but the supposed main story is bloody pointless too. There’s no chance of me giving away any spoilers to this film, because there isn’t any!; nothing happens!
As much as I was dreading this film I was at least expecting to see some half-decent action sequences, but there’s barely any action in the soddin’ film! There’s the odd bit of twig pointing here and there, but it’s not at all visually entertaining, there’s no excitement or suspense at any point in this film.
I’ve always been a bit iffy about CGI heavy films. Now don’t get me wrong, CGI can do good for films, it helps achieve the impossible at times. But films like this are sold on how good the special effects are; the visual aspect of things didn’t at all blow me away. It’s clear this film is going to date incredibly fast. There’s one scene at the end where Potter and Hermione are stood on a balcony and it’s as clear as day that the background is CGI. I’ve only seen about ten minutes of the first Potter film (about a year ago on TV) and that looked dated already, so I guess this film is in keeping with the pretty lame CGI (though it’s not Spiderman bad).
I remember when the first Potter film came out how many of the critics were saying how wooden the acting was from the three kids. If in this they’ve improved, I dread to think how shoddy their acting was in the previous five. Daniel Radcliffe isn’t at all very convincing or believable as Potter. Rupert Grint isn’t too bad I suppose.
It seems impossible to make a British film these days without Alan Rickman, Julie Walters, Jim Broadbent, Robbie Coltrane, Timothy Spall, or Maggie Smith appearing in it. All that was missing from the “super Brit-pack” was the highly irritating Bill Nighy. Am pretty sure they’ll squeeze in Judi Dench too somewhere in the next one (or should that be two?) But this really has nothing to do with how poor the film is. I’ll get back on track…
The whole film is just two and bit hours of filler. Why this is needed in the Potter saga I’ll never know. If all of the others are as lacklustre in action as this, then I’m totally bemused as to why they’ve been so successful.
The only thing that kept me watching this was changing the story in my head. As the bad kid (played by Tom Felton – he played a character called Draco) looked like the latest “pop sensation” Ben Hudson (aka Mr Hudson), I changed it so that the he wanted everybody to hear his music, but Potter and the gang just didn’t want to hear his awful crap that he calls music. Now if you haven’t heard of Mr Hudson I’d suggest you keep it that way, he makes really bad pop music and is the latest flavour-of-the-month. With this new story in place it made it a little more enjoyable for about two minutes.
Why is it in every film of this genre that black represents evil and white represents good? Can’t someone just mess with the formula for once instead of being so predictable? It’s no fun when you know from the word go when someone is going to be a bad ‘un.
There’s no pace to this film, nothing to keep you interested or get you gripped. It should’ve been a five minute montage at the beginning of the next Potter film, a “previously on...” type thing, not something drawn out to last what seemed like forever and a day.
I think Harry Potter sums up this film the best at the end when he says, “It’s all just been a big waste of time” – no shit Potter!
Verdict: Abysmal
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